After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You smell like stripper and shame
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
