Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
