In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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