i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
