Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
