If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
