Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
