And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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