I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I feel like death gave me a hand job
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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