She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
