so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
