I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
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