i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
