somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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