haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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