Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
