Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize