Need sex. Gaining weight.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
