i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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