Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
