He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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