Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
