She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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