i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
