His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
