your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
