Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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