i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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