So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
