this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
