even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
