Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
