He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The adults are the big ones right?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
