Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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