you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
