you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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