I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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