just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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