Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
