Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
