so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
