I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
