so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
