Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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