yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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