Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We got so high we made milksteak
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
