I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize