Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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