As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
