She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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