dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
