For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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