White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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