Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
