I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
