I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
