An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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