Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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