U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
