I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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