I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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