My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
