I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
