Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
