I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize